So today has been a really weird day for me... (I'm blogging, for one). I have lately found myself questioning a lot of decisions I have made in the past. Maybe not questioning decisions, but wondering "what if's". If you would have asked me 4 years ago where I would be right now... Here, is not where I would have told you. Granted, I knew I would still be in this geographical "area", but emotionally, physically, relation-ally (word?), never in a million years would I have thought things would have been this difficult.
When I was newly divorced, I was in such an amazing place (I felt like it at least)... I mean who says that? I say that. When you are released from a toxic environment and you immediately feel like a weight is released off your shoulders, you are in an amazing place. I was thrilled to be going to church again, and I had the support of my amazing family and friends. I also had brown hair... (hmmm...). I felt unstoppable. I went back to school (almost finished with that), I was running, I loved my job, I met an amazing person, found a great house, I was crafting, I even took my first missions trip to Madagascar... You just have to wonder when things kind of started to fall apart.
Even last year was amazing, since this is titled confessions... I ALWAYS preface this by saying, I'm not crazy, well at least not any crazier than you are... I saw an amazing therapist that helped me just by allowing me to talk out my issues. (note to self, maybe that might help again).
I don't want to say by any means that my life is horrible,or falling apart, that is definitely not the purpose of this. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams and I know that. I've been saying it's just a funk, or seasonal effective disorder (easy excuse when you live in the CLE). For the past 2 years I feel like I've gone through this... It's like I lose myself over the course of a few months (Early November to early April, what I like to refer to as the "Months with No Sun"). Whatever I am, it is the complete opposite of motivated... This winter has been particularly difficult. I even got to the point this year where I felt like I have been failing as a parent. This day-shift schedule is not all it's cracked up to be... I'm just saying.
A wise man imparted words today on my life and they went something like this, "you never get to the end step until you take the NEXT step". I think I am always getting so caught up on how I want life to be and what the quickest way of obtaining that would be. So I spent today reflecting on the past few months, trying to get to the root of this discontent... I even spent some time on my face just listening and being still... and there are several roots. So I decided to write down what I need to do to maintain "ME", and I fully intend on placing them on some sort of "vision board" (yep I said that... VISION BOARD). Resuming my blogging is on the top of that list... I am not sure what kind of blog I will continue to create... I know I've done kind of crafting/"cooking"/lifestyle blog... But if my life goal of making money off of a blog is ever going to come true, I have to find my niche.
My mission over the next few months is to get JESSICA back, and to not let the winter months steal her again... EVER. I am the queen of procrastination... and I need to take the advice that I so graciously bestowed upon a friend today and "not put off til tomorrow, that which can be done today" (granted he was bought 2 things of kale at the store instead of 1 kale and 1 spinach and was going to take 1 back... frankly 1 bag of kale is too much.. .just saying). I am always saying, oh Monday or next month, or next summer... Nope. The time has to be now. Hebrews 10:36- "you need to persevere, so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised" More to come.... - Mommy Spooner
Friday, June 26, 2015
I have wanted to make strawberry rhubarb ANYTHING for quite some time. I can still taste the first ever strawberry rhubarb pie I ever had. My grandma made it, and I can still, to this day, remember the tartness of the rhubarb & sweetness of the strawberries. So amazing! So while we were perusing the produce section, Little Spooner and I came across some rhubarb. The flashback of the pie hit me, and I knew that we were going to make strawberry rhubarb something!
My sous chef assisting me with some strawberry prep. She's not the most coordinated with the knife, but she did great!
Mixing up the strawberries and rhubarb. This is a mixture of flour, sugar and cinnamon. It started getting a little juicy, which was perfect for licking the bowl after! Then it was time to make the "crisp" part. This was a mixture of butter, flour, brown sugar and rolled oats. I mixed it too long and it got super clumpy. My teeny tiny kitchen heats up pretty quick when the oven is running (this momma was multi-tasking making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner). So the butter got a little soft in the process.
This tastes just like I remember my grandma's pie! We paired this with vanilla ice cream and it had Little Spooner begging to take some with her to her dads for the weekend! It is the perfect summer dessert!
So much for cutting back the sugar this week... :-) -Mommy Spooner
Thursday, March 26, 2015
It has been a while. What has sparked my desire to start blogging again is my recent decision to travel across the world to Madagascar. My Church Harvest Ridge is sending a group of people to Madagascar to help build a church (that is the primary reason for going, nobody can be too sure what God will have us doing once we arrive there). I have always felt a desire to do missions work and was called very early in my life to do that work. Unfortunately I made my own plans in the past and ventured off the course. But that course gave me a beautiful, amazing, daughter and has allowed me to grow and I am working on getting back on course.
So a trip to Madagascar is not cheap. I have spent some time trying to think of creative ways to fund raise for this trip. I definitely would rather not just send out letters to friends and family asking for donations. So I did what all young people (yep I'm still young) do when they are looking for answers... I google'd it and came up with this website called bonfire funds. The person, or organization, that is trying to raise money designs a t-shirt and then the website sells the t-shirt and the organization gets a portion of the profits from the t-shirts. Here is the link to where the shirt can be purchased. It is pretty basic, but I wanted to use the colors in the flag of Madagascar.
I also plan on making some crafty items and selling them. Some of these items include Peek-a-Boo Pumpkin seat covers and swaddler wraps. So if you know of anyone having a baby (if you work at my hospital you certainly know someone) feel free to reach out and contact me to make something awesome for you!
I wanted to thank everyone in advance for your support and for helping live out this dream I have had for a VERY long long time. - Mommy Spooner
Sunday, August 31, 2014
|Here is a photo of "Nin-ty" and a|
much smaller Little Spooner
Stunned is probably the best way to describe how I was feeling. To quote one of my favorite movies from my younger years, "who throws his shoe?". I can usually put up with a lot... For a 5 year-old she can try to be quite manipulative. I can handle the "I miss my Daddy" when I am not letting her have her way, or how quick she can flip from smiley/happy to the biggest crocodile tears you have every seen this side of the Mason-Dixon Line. All that, while unacceptable, I can handle.
|Geauga County Fair... Shortly after this she asked if she could|
get a cow. As "un-country" as Avon has become maybe we
could bring back the 4-H
taking us to fun places on a weekly/daily basis. When we did fun things or went to fun places it was greatly appreciated and most of all SPECIAL. When these types of things become expected, where is the "special"?
My parents took us to the fair, and took us amusement parks when we were of age/size. They did not take us to Cedar Point until we were tall enough to ride a majority of the rides (what a waste of money to take small children there when they cannot even ride half of the rides). We had fun family vacations, and they took us camping. I do not feel like I was cheated out of my childhood because I didn't go to Chuck-E-Cheese on a regular basis, or taken to concerts with pop stars where we sat in the front row (oh yeah this happened, even against my better judgement as her Mother), or constantly doing SOMETHING fun.
I guess my question is, when we spoil our children like this now when they are so young, where do you go from here? Is there a precedent being set? I constantly feel like Little Spooner "expects" me to entertain her. At times it is like she is unable to just play with her toys in her room without my full undivided attention. There are days that I am amazed that I get anything done at all due to her constant whining of being "bored" or having "nothing to do". I feel like I am at my wits end as far as what to do anymore. I gave up a looong time ago trying to be the "fun" parent, because I know that later in Little Spooners life, it is not only going to be the "fun" times that shape who she is as a person. Sure she will remember some of the fun things, but she won't remember how many times I did or didn't take her to Kiddy Park or how many times I did not buy her a stuffed animal at the zoo. All I can do is hope she will remember the important things, and the life lessons that I am going to try to teach her, and hopefully I can still keep some some things "special" for her.
Do you ever feel like you are at your wits end trying to keep up with the Jones's when it comes to entertaining your kids?? What are some fun things that you do around the house to make staying home fun? Or better yet, what are some budget friendly excursions you take your kids on so that you don't have to break your budget? - Mommy Spooner (this entire post was written while Little Spooner slept off her rage)
Friday, August 15, 2014
Think long and hard about this... Do you have a "thing"? By "thing" I mean a hobby, or something that makes you, you? Some people have photography, running, painting, building, gardening, reading, etc... That is their "thing". I was honestly thinking the other day about how I don't really have a "thing". I work, and I take care of Little Spooner, but what could my "thing" be? I do not want to be defined by my career, and as much as I love being a mom and that is a good majority of who I am, it is not the "whole" me. I "enjoy" working out, but not to the extent that it is my "thing"... the last thing people probably think about when they hear my name is "exercise", lol. The second to last thing they probably think about is "outdoors"... For a girl who has a serious case of Ichthyophobia, I would probably be the last person you would think of who's "thing" would be what I am about to share with you... As long as I can remember I have LOVED being out on the water. If I'm on a boat, I am a happy girl. The idea to even try what I am about to share with you, came about last year. Unfortunately I never made it out to give it a try. This year I was determined, and on a sunny Wednesday afternoon I'm pretty sure I found my "thing".
I loved it so much I went out alone, early on the following Saturday morning and had coffee on the river! Who would have thunk such a thing would be happening? It is like the water has been calling me to it this summer, and I have finally answered the call. While I have taken my phone the past couple of times to capture pictures/memories, it is so liberating to leave the phone in the car, and escape for an hour or so. I look forward to the day that Little Spooner and I have our own kayak, and can go exploring longer/bigger rivers, and eventually she can have her own and we can do this together.
|Muh Spooner getting in on the kayaking action!|
We have rented kayaks at two different places. The first one was 41 North in the Rocky River Reservation portion of The Metroparks. Then Jenn and I rented from West River Kayak in Vermillion (just across the bridge and under the water tower). You really cannot beat the cost to rent a kayak, for a single it is $15/hour plus $5 for each additional half hour. The tandem is $20 an hour with $5 each additional $5/hr. They also rent paddle boards, which I am pretty sure you will never catch me on one of those.
It makes my heart feel good when I ask Little Spooner what she wants to do today, and she responds excitedly, "can we go kayaking?!??!". Do you have a thing? What is it, or what would you like it to be? What do you want people to think of when they hear your name? I hope to become more outdoorsy, and embrace the nature and beauty around me, and to help slow down Little Spooners and my days together. She's only little once, right? I have also been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and really focusing on what Gods plan for my life could be. Why am I in this place, embracing this phase of my life, and how is God going to use me where I am right now. I have been reading "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shirer and I have really enjoyed the insights she shares.
Some more home projects, and pletny more adventures are coming up, stay tuned!- Mommy Spooner
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
No we did not fall off the face of the Earth. Little Spooner and I are still alive and kicking! :) Literally, and soon-to-be figuratively! Our summer has been quite full, and INCREDIBLY fun! We have done all sorts of stuff, kid-friendly G-rated fun! I been trying to make it a point to get in touch with my 41/2 year old self to really figure out how to help her enjoy her summer... So I have been thinking about stuff that would be fun to do when you are 4. Do you ever feel like you juts aren't connecting with your kids? I feel so awful sometimes because I am probably the WORST Barbie player, ever. I was not even very good at it when I was little... I just liked to brush their hair and change their clothes. Usually someone else had a "plot" for playing, I just kind of went along with it...
I do not remember anyone giving warning about people being too tall or too "large" (if you will). There were some parts that would have been a tight squeeze for some. Not to mention the large staircase we had to ascend to get back up. All-in-all this took us 2 hours to walk through, and it was only a 2 mile tour! The lady at the ticket booth said this is the tour most school groups take... who let's their kids go into a cave without them!?!?! :-) I see a lot of school field trip "chaperoning" in my future!- and I'm looking forward to them!
Have you visited anywhere fun this summer that is kid and budget friendly? I feel like I have spent a lot of this summer introducing Little Spooner to new things, and I am okay with that. Future posts to come in regards to many more things that we are trying! I hope everyone is having a fun, yet safe summer!- Mommy Spooner
|If ya'll didn't know, that's my|
nephew B.I. in there!
After a VERY brief visit, Little Spooner and I left Nana in TN and headed back north. Being the daughter of my father, I thought how fun it would be to take Little Spooner through Mammoth Cave National Park in Ken-ducky (if you ask Little Spooner). This is something I remember doing on our way down to Oklahoma one year (not Mammoth Cave, but a different cavern), and she's at a pretty fun age where this stuff is pretty cool! So we made our way back into Mammoth Cave National Park... quite the hike form the highway I must say. It went from pouring rain to 100% humidity in about 15 minutes on our drive to the cave. After we bought our tickets, we waited for our tour to leave. We had a really funny guide which was nice. We then walked down to the cave opening. Where it went from sticky, sweaty, humidity, to feeling like air conditioning was being pumped out of the ground. As I stared into the large hole in the ground all I kept thinking was "You're not claustrophobic, you are only several hundred feet below the ground, if anything happens you are only surround by 30 other people who will all be running like maniacs"... It was like the moment you realize that you are afraid of getting stuck in an elevator once the elevator door doesn't open at work. It took us a little while to adjust to the cold once we got into the cave... not to mention our eyes adjusting to the darkness. There was no flash photography allowed, so I apologize for the quality of the photos...
|Going through, Fat Mans Misery|
|Fat Mans Misery... super narrow passage way.|
|She said she was "feeling very tall"|
|After squeezing through Fat Mans Misery|
Monday, May 12, 2014
Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms! So I am a day late in posting this... but Mothers Day was yesterday. I would have posted this yesterday, but I was exhausted and in bed by 9:30 after an amazing weekend with Little Spooner. Our weekend was filled with the International Children's Festival downtown, 2 plays, Brunch at Market in Rocky River, swimming and dance class.
Last Mothers Day I reflected on how amazing my Mother is. This Mothers Day I was reflecting a lot on how I would not be a Mother if it were not for Little Spooner. It is because of her that I try so hard, and because of her that I constantly am trying to think of ways to better myself to be the best example for her. Lord knows where I would be right now if I didn't have her to anchor me, and keep me in check. Sometimes all it takes is a glance from her and I know she is saying "I love you mom", or a quick grab of my hand to cause my eyes to well-up with a few tears. She truly is amazing, smart, funny, and caring little girl. Before you are a Mom you only think you know what real, unadulterated, unfiltered love is... but really you have no idea. While surfing through the MOPS blog "Hello, Darling" I came upon this music video by JJ Heller- I Dream of you. It kind of hi-jacked the original post that I had started (not to mention drove me to tears, how cute are those little girls). The original post was going to highlight all of the fun things we did this past weekend, but honestly my favorite part of this weekend was just being "present" with her. The Children's Festival downtown was fun. Brunch with our family was delicious. We even took in a play with Nana. It was all great and memorable, but the best part was not being distracted.
We are not supposed to compare ourselves to other moms or women, but I am sure we all suffer from the same amount of Mom-guilt at times. What is one way that you think you could enrich the relationship you have with your kids?- Mommy Spooner