Lately I have been feeling very uninspired. Even as I write this post, I just feel like nothing is "moving" me lately. As many of you might know, I was really excited on the possibility of purchasing the house I am currently living in, eventually.  After a little discussion with my friendly neighbor, I was quickly swayed the other way. Our conversation swayed me so much the other way, that as of March of 2014, I will be actively looking for a new place of residence. I just do not want to be dealing with the awful human being of a landlord that I rent from.  Let's just say, I was made privy to things with this house in the past, that I would not like to be a part of. While this house is perfect (or could be perfect) for Little Spooner and I, I do not want to spend forever fighting against a house. This news, has also halted some of the projects I wanted to do, to make my living space more "me". I just feel like I'm buying time, until I am out of here now.

It does not help that I have an addiction to "house hunting". I could spend hours online looking at Howard Hanna's website, scouring the web for amazing houses, that I cannot buy at this time. I am not a masochist I promise... I just do not feel settled. Have you ever had that feeling, that you just aren't where you are supposed to be? I have had this feeling for a very long time (probably years). I feel like I come home sometimes, and I'm not "home". This is not my house, sure it's where I live, but it's not mine. I can't do what I want to it, like knock a wall down and remodel the kitchen. Or even paint the walls in Little Spooners bedroom the perfect shade of pink, I can't do these things.

I also feel like, by owning a home, I am providing Little Spooner with some stability. From the time I was 4 months old to the time I started high school my family lived in the same house. We weren't hopping around from rental to rental, or living in an apartment. We lived in a house and we stayed there until we outgrew it. I had a friend in middle school who's parents were divorced and it seemed like she lived in a new house/apartment/townhouse every other year. This is what I do not want for my daughter. I know she is little and cannot grasp the concept of what it means to own a home, but she would be aware of when we move, or as she gets older, the stress of having to move to a new school.

I posted a while ago, my goals of purchasing a house in approx. 2 years. I have a vision of building a brand new home in an amazing little development with LOTS of kids and a cul-de-sac. Sometimes I feel like this will never happen. When I was married, it seemed like we never had enough money. There was always something to buy, or a new gadget to get. To say we were completely irresponsible with our money, is a GIANT understatement. With me being able to sustain Little Spooner and I comfortably on just my salary alone, makes me see how much more "well off" we would have been, with and additional 30-40% of my income coming in to supplement. All that money was just "extra" and we just spent through it all like it was nothing. We could have been saving at LEAST $800 a month, easy. It truly sickens me to think of it. Even more so, that I could have had my dream house a lot sooner had I stood up and said something about it.

Grrrrr... is all I really have to say about this. - Mommy Spooner


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