Letter for My Mom

 

There were no cards this year that could express everything I wanted to say to you on this Mother’s Day.

The past year has had a lot of ups and downs. At first I just saw it as a lot more downs than ups. I thought for sure there was no coming back from where I was. As time has gone by, I am realizing that since last summer, it has really been nothing but UP. With your help, I have become this strong woman, and mother, that I never thought I could be. I have become “happy” again, and I feel more like myself than I have in a long, long time.

When I first became a Mom, I thought it was pretty easy. Looking back, taking care of Ashtyn as a baby was so easy (I know I was incredibly lucky to have an incredibly easy baby). She hardly ever fussed, was a great eater and sleeper. But when she was a baby it was easy to predict her every need, to keep her happy.

As Ashtyn grows bigger, and grows into this little person, I find myself asking the question “what did my mom do?”, or “How did my mom do this for me?”, or “what would my mom do?”. There is just so much more she needs. She needs to play, and learn, and grow. She needs interaction. There are times I feel so clueless, and then I will remember something that you did for us when we were little, or how you did something and it makes it easier. A lot of people say they want to do things differently than their parents did, but I wouldn’t want to change a thing. You sheltered us, but also exposed us to real life experiences. You let us get dirty, and make our own mistakes, while helping us clean up the mess along the way.

Now more than ever, I want to be the Mom you were to me, to Ashtyn. I want to make sure she is learning everything she needs, while feeling like she has a mom who is there for her, and has time for her. I want to be a Mom/Woman, and eventually friend, that she can look up to, respect, and appreciate as much as I do you.

I can only hope that one day Ashtyn will look at me, and see the years of love I have given her, and appreciate all I have done for her. More so, I hope she looks at me, and feels the way I do about you. Because you (and Dad as well, but this is a Mother’s Day letter) have really shown me nothing but unconditional love, through everything. You (and Dad) were a kid yourself, and you were able to raise 3 amazing (if I do say so myself), behaved, well rounded, God loving children. If I can raise 1 child half as well as you raised 3, I consider that a win.

I love you Mom, and I know you know that. I am so happy to say not only that you are my Mom, but you are my best friend.

- Mommy Spooner